My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
