plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
