Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
