Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize