coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Randomize
