ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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