i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
