god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
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I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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