i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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