Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm like, not good at living.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
