There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
