i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
