glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
