he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
