I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
