im about as happy as oj after his trial
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Randomize
