I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
