i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
