Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
