She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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