so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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