In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
