Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
