How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
