I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
