dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
