she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Randomize
