i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
