it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
