if i can run in heels then i can drive
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
