I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
