I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
