So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
