if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
