it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
