I accidentally burped into my bong.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
