we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
