I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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