So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
