Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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