What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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