I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Randomize
