Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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