You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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