So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
