so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
