pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
