Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
