We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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