I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
