It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
