sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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